
はじめまして!
のほです。
まずは自己紹介をさせていただきます。
現在、『ユダヤ』に興味を抱き
ユダヤについて学んでいます。
日本には馴染みのない「ユダヤ」ですが、
- 自分の生き方が定まっていない人
- 人生、漠然と不安がある人
- 子どもに強く賢く育って欲しい!と思う親御さん
に、ぜひともユダヤの生き方、思考を
知ってもらい、人生に役立てて欲しいなと
思い発信をしていきたいと思っています。
なぜユダヤか?
それは、
わたし自身が一冊の本に出会ってから
「ユダヤ人の生きる力と知力」
に感動し学びたいと思ったからです。
ユダヤ人は歴史的に迫害、追放、略奪などを
繰り返しされてきたにもかかわらず、
粘り強く民族としての生命を維持し
かつ、非常に優秀です。
たとえば、優秀さを示す例として、
ユダヤ人は世界人口に占める割合が
0.2%程度なのにもかかわらず、
ノーベル賞受賞者の
2~3割程度を占めています。
ハリウッド映画の3~4割は
ユダヤ人が制作しています。
ほかにも、
医学、法学、金融、IT、芸術など
さまざまな分野でユダヤ人は
群を抜いて能力が高いのです。
わたしは、ただただそのことに
感動し、純粋に知的興味がわくとともに
その強さをうらやましく思い、
ユダヤのことを学ぼうと思いました。
人生、つねに漫然とした不安がつきまとう
ここで現在のわたしの状況と
これまでの生い立ちの話を
させていただきますと、
現在は、夫と娘3人の5人家族です。
経歴としては
- 関西の公立高校卒業
- 京都大学法学部卒業(一浪しています)
- メガバンクの総合職として13年勤務
- 銀行員の時に子供2人を出産
- 出産後、銀行で1年半働いたものの
家庭を優先するため退職 - とある中小企業に転職
- 3人目出産
- 会社を退職し、情報発信に専念
このようなかんじです。
客観的に見て、
学歴もあって、職歴もあって、家族もあって・・・
という風に世の中的には見られるのかも
しれません。
しかしながら、わたし自身としては、
なにか常に心に不安がある状況から
完全に抜け出せない状態でした。
常に不完全というか・・・
なぜか?
それは、
学歴と言っても、決められた受験勉強
という範囲の中で人よりがんばった、
ということでしかなく
就職も社会的地位が高いと思われていた
メガバンクに入ってみたけれど、
ひたすら辛いだけで
まったく楽しいと思って働けたことはなく、
子ども3人産んで「母は強し!」
みたいな世の中の印象は
あるのかもしれないものの、
母親であることが
人生の強さや喜びとは
完全に思えず。
学歴も職歴も家族も、
人生で自分が欲しいと思って
手に入れるために頑張ってきた
ことなのに
手に入れられても、
なぜかいつまでたっても
常に漠然と不安に苛まれていました。
自分は何事をなせるのか?
というような疑問を常に自分に
問いかけているような状態です。
不安の原因は生い立ち。競争人生の始まり。
この原因の多くは、おそらく
生い立ちにあると思います。
育った家庭は、
父が公務員、母が専業主婦
弟が2人
長女という立場で育ちました。
経済的には中の上くらいの
家庭だと思います。
「うちは貧乏だから!」と言われて
育ちましたが、食べるものがない
というほどではなく
学校も「私学は絶対に無理!
国公立しか行かせられない!」
と耳にタコができるほど言われたものの
教育の機会自体は与えられました。
ただ、両親の夫婦仲はとても悪く、
気付いたころには
家庭内別居の状態でした。
私自身も母親に洗脳され、
小学校高学年くらいから
父親とまともに
会話していません。
母は、負けん気の強い性格で、
基本的にあらゆる場面において、
「他人との比較」
「兄弟との比較」
「親戚との比較」
を意識した発言を繰り返していました。
必然的にわたしにもそのマインドが
宿り、常にだれかと競っていなければ
いけない状態を作り出してたと思います。
いまでも覚えていますが、
小学校一年生のとき
わたしは計算問題が苦手で
クラスでも真ん中より
遅い方だったのですが、
そんなわたしに母はこう言いました。
「人に負けて悔しくないんか」
いまでも強烈に覚えています。
そのときのわたしは
「全然くやしくない」と
答えました。
本当に悔しいなんていう感情が
ありませんでした。
「悔しい」という感情よりも
母が厳しい顔をしていること自体に
気分が萎えたことを覚えています。
でも母のその一言が、
「人と争って生きていく」という
人生の始まりだったと思います。
常に人との比較の中でしか、
自分という人間の存在価値がない
というマインドの刷り込みが始まりました。
そして、そのマインドは日に日に
存在感を増していきました。
テストという「数字」は
”人との比較”というマインドを
育てるのにこの上ない栄養でした。
気付いたころには
自分の潜在意識下の奥深く、
そしてあらゆる神経にいたるまで、
根っこをはりめぐらせて
しまっていたのです。
もはや、自分という人間を
作り出している源泉に
なっていたと思います。
受験であれ、就職活動であれ、
人との競争が発生する場面では
「勝たなければ自分の存在価値がない」
としか認識できない人間になっていました。
もちろん、競争自体は否定しません。
それによって自分の能力が上がるのは
すばらしいことだと思います。
ただ、いまになって
ようやく思うことは
競ってばかりで、
「幸福感」が
高まらないのであれば
結局は自分を苦しめることでしかない
ということです。
結果的に、上には上にはいるので、
いつまで経っても自分を「良し」と
認められず
「まだあれがない」
「まだこれが足りない」
「もっとこうしなければ」
と自分を認められない状況が
続いていました。
自分を肯定できない状況というのは
精神的にとてもマイナスで、
幸福感が低い状態です。
子どもを産んでからも
この状態だった私は、
果たして自分がこんな状態で
子どもを育てていいのだろうか?
と思うようになっていました。
子どもにも
自分が母親に言われたのと同じように
「人に負けて悔しくないのか?」
という一言をぶつけて
常に他者との比較でしか
自分の存在価値を感じられない
幸福感のない子どもに
育てていいのか・・・?と。
まずは自分自身が「わたしでいい」と認めて豊かに生きる
長い人生、
しかも子供も3人もいて、
これでいいのか?
と思っていたところ
ユダヤに出会いました。
一冊の本でした。
『ユダヤの商法』という
日本マクドナルド創業者の
藤田田さんの本です。
もともとは、営業成績を上げるには?
とか、
世界のお金持ちは誰だろう?
というのが知りたくていろんな本を
読みあさっていたのですが、
「ユダヤ」という
とてつもなく生命力のある民族が
存在するということを知ってからは
「ユダヤ」民族の力のなぞや
知力・知恵の源泉が何なのかを
知りたくてユダヤの本を
読むようになりました。
そのなかで、ユダヤは
個人をとても大切にする
民族であることを知りました。
他人との比較ではなく、
自分は自分で良いという思想です。
これこそが自分が身に付けなければ
ならない思想であり、
子どもにも伝えていかないと
いけないことだと思いました。
親になって思いますが、
親になったからといって
完全無欠の人間になるわけでは
まったくないと思います。
完全無欠どころか、
まだまだ迷い、
自信がないことも
多くあると思います。
親も不完全な一人間に違いないので
わたしはそのことを素直に
認めていいと思います。
逆にだからこそ、
何歳になっても
学び成長していこうと
思えますし、
その学んだことを
子どもに伝えていけば、
自分も子どももお互いの人生が豊かに
なっていくのではないかな
と思っています。
わたしは、もとももと
「ユダヤ人」自体は
もちろん知っていましたが
日本ではあまりよく知られておらず
「ナチスに迫害された民族」
程度の知識レベルでした。
でもよくよく調べてみると
本当に頭が良く、ポジティブで
人を大切にする民族だと思います。
そして、何より、
ヘブライ聖書という民族の基本書を
後ろ盾とした軸の強さを感じます。
日本には民族の基本書なるものが
存在しません。
次から次へと移り変わる
大海原の中で
大人ですらも何を信じていいのか?
と不安になるような時代です。
だからこそ、5000年という歴史を
たくましく生きながらえてきた
ユダヤ民族に学ぶことは
われわれ日本人にとっても
とても意味あることだと思います。
わたし自身が学びつつ、
このサイトを見て下さる人にも
ユダヤの思想を知ってもらい、
ユダヤを知った方の人生が
少しでも良くなればいいなと
思ってこのサイトを作っていきたいと
思います。
最後までお読みいただきありがとうございました。
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拝読、共感いたしました。
のほさんの想いがたくさんの人に届きますように。
これからもTwitter楽しみにしています。(*^^)v
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